the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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