the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
