What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So apparently I’m into choking now
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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