the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
do nipples grow back?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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