I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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