Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
