he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
