I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
