Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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