Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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