oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
