As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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