i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
