i just wanna soil my oats bro
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
