Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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