dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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