Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
