you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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