i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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