these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize