it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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