i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize