how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
