We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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