You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize