All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
