I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
