I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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