I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
