The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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