dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
