She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
