i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How naked do you want me to be?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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