OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
