She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
