you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
