why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
