i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
