My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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