I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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