so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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