I think I am morally bankrupt
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize