People with herpes should wear stickers.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
His hands were made for my vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
