Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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