You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
