i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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