can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
