I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
