I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
