last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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