We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
