I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
