i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
