I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
