His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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