I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
