i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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