Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
