Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
