I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
