I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
