My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there's paper in my vomit.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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