Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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