Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
