Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
