I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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