I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
