U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
