I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
