And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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